Across multiple domains, there’s a single communication technique that is consistently used.
It is known as “acknowledgment.”
For the past few years, I’ve been volunteering as a first responder and training in the fields of search and rescue, structural-collapse rescue, rope rescue, pre-hospital emergency medicine, and mass-casualty incident rescue.
Nearly all communication done in these domains is done by radio.
In radio training, one of the things we teach, practice, and do in the field is to acknowledge all radio transmissions by repeating what you think you heard from the message sender.
“Base, this is Unit 99. Request helicopter extraction of critical patient from GPS coordinates 47.8021° north by 123.60444° west.”
“Unit 99, this is Base. Copy. You’re requesting helicopter extraction at 47.8021° north by 123.60444° west for critical patient. We’ll get back to you to see if that’s possible and provide an ETA if available.”
When a miscommunication can cost someone their life, the best practice is to confirm all messages. You don’t want a helicopter going to the wrong location!
Wall Street trading systems use a similar system of communication acknowledgment.
If JPMorgan Chase wires Amazon Treasury $500 million, the computer systems involved will sound something like this.
“Hey, Amazon. This is JPMorgan Chase. We are sending you $500 million via wire right now. Please confirm when you receive it.”
“Hey, JPMorgan Chase, this is Amazon Treasury. We confirm we received $500 million from you. We consider this transaction fully executed.”
“This is JPMorgan Chase. Acknowledged. You received our funds of $500 million and consider this transaction fully executed. We confirm that we consider this transaction fully executed as well.”
“This is Amazon Treasury. JPMorgan Chase, we acknowledge that you consider this transaction fully executed.”
What you wouldn’t want to happen is for JPMorgan Chase to send $500 million and Amazon Treasury to never receive it. That would be horrible.
So, these types of financial transactions are not recorded as complete until both parties agree that the transfer of funds was both sent and received by the appropriate parties.
A few years ago, I started taking training programs intended for marriage therapists. It was fascinating.
One of the things I learned was that a lot of marital disputes are based on miscommunications and misunderstandings.
Here’s a simple example:
Spouse 1: “You look really nice today.”
Spouse 2: “So you think I normally look terrible?! You’re so rude.”
Spouse 1: “You’re being ridiculous. Why are you always so ridiculous?”
Spouse 2: “Well, at least I’m not an insensitive jerk.”
One of the best practices in a heated marital dispute is to slow down, acknowledge, and verify with your spouse what you think you heard.
Spouse 1: “You look really nice today.”
Spouse 2: “I’m not sure if you’re saying that as a compliment or if you’re trying to criticize my appearance the last few weeks. Could you clarify?”
Spouse 1: “Oh, I definitely meant it as a compliment.”
Spouse 2: “In that case, thank you so much!”
Anytime you communicate in a situation with high stakes, it is very important to acknowledge what you think you heard from the other party. This provides the other party with the opportunity to correct any miscommunications or misunderstandings.
Whether lives, hundreds of millions of dollars, or your romantic relationship is on the line, something as simple as including an acknowledgment in your communications can help you avoid a lot of problems.
What do you think about this topic? Comment below to let me know.
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10 thoughts on “Do You Copy? Over…”
I think it all just goes to show how important it is to always think twice instead of jumping to conclusions. It is always best to give the other person the enefit of the doubt and double check before we hurry up to get offended.
Victor – this is great; although in marriage, you can’t control the dialogue of the other person, only how you react
In the last marital dispute example, did spouse 2 truly think spouse 1 have negative intonations or he/she is baiting for more compliments? Like spouse 2 just do not realize he should have swapped “ridiculous” with “cute” or “funny”.
Then you think about it, both cute and funny leave room for misinterpretation too… But wouldn’t the formal elongated “right” answer estrange the relationship and take the chemistry out of the couple?
CJ,
I’ve spent a lot of time in the couples relating world and the one thing I’ve firm concluded is that everybody is different. There is no universal interpretation of anything between two people in a very close relationship. EVERYTHING is subjectively experienced by each individual based on their family of origin, cultural experience, gender experience, etc, etc… That’s why best practice is to verify communication especially when things do not seem to go as expected.
-Victor
The marriage example reminds of of the quote, “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” by Anais Nin. If we’re living in stress and fear mode all the time, then even when someone compliments us, we still perceive it as a threat.
I remember Victor shared his experience before about training his gratitude muscle. If we fill our hearts with the other person’s gratitude and strengths, then even if they snap at us, we can maintain our kindness because we can quickly think of all the things we appreciate about them. Therefore, the root of good communication is appreciation and consideration for the other person.
Victor Chang along your lines enlighten me a lot. I can’t agree more. When you have a strong and kind inner perception, it would change so much! avoid so much pain and disputes. it applies to romantic and work relationships and all.
In my perspective, body language another format of language, it adheres to you rule as well, both matters.
Thanks again.
Alex – That’s a great quote.
Another great article. Thanks.
Related to this topic are the 7 laws of communication described here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wiio%27s_laws
I think the technique of acknowledgement applies to laws #1, #2, #3 and #4 (in synchronous communication).
Interestingly law #2 is demonstrated in “Spouse 2″‘s first response in the articles example (taking offense in what was meant to be a compliment).
🙂
This is so basic and yet not obvious to so many people including me. Treating 90% of your marriage communication as high stakes communication is also a good insight 🙂 This was a really good article. Thank you!
Mrinalini – You’re welcome.