Sometimes very smart people overcomplicate their lives by overthinking things.
Here’s one simple decision you can make every day that will dramatically improve your life.
Does doing X improve the quality of my life (e.g., make me feel good or move me towards my goals)?
If yes, do more.
If no, do less.
Does working in this job improve the quality of my life?
If yes, keep at the job.
If no, make some kind of change (e.g, request different work, transfer, find a new employer, get more training to qualify for a different job, etc.).
Does spending time with X person improve the quality of my life?
If yes, spend more time with person X.
If no, spend less time or no time with person X.
If all you do for the rest of your life is ask yourself this one question and follow through on the answer, you will have a much better life.
Sometimes it’s just that simple.
Let me know your thoughts on this by commenting below.
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13 thoughts on “A Simple Decision to Improve Your Life”
Hello Victor! Thanks for your brief blogs / emails that I get in my inbox on occasion – they help me to be more self-aware and think about life in different ways. In general, this thought process sounds good to me, something I will try to implement in my own life.
However, I’m wondering … how would you change this thought process if I have two conflicting things that bring goodness to my life? For example, right now … I want to move in with my partner so we can stop being in a long-distance relationship – being with him improves my life. On the other hand, the location I’m living at right now makes me feel content and happy, and also brings goodness to my life. But my partner isn’t interested in living in my current location for his own reasons. So in the context of this blog, how would you think about deciding between two conflicting benefits and also considering the desires of others?
Eva – This is a good problem to have (too many good things and it’s hard to choose between them), but still a problem! (It is better than having to choose between two terrible options). That said, I don’t have a definitive answer or process that will get you the “right” answer for you every time. However, I will share what I suggest when you have to choose between to equally terrible options. Just pick one and move on with it. If they two options are truly equal, then in theory either option will do.
In your situation, you either pick one and make the best of it (would this be a struggle if you were forced into option or the other and didn’t have much of a choice?) or “test drive” a decision and see how it feels. (I like this latter approach).
Test driving a decision means rather than stopping at a fork in the road wondering which way to go for months and years, pick one path and go down it 2 miles and see how it feels. So if you want to stay put, just stay put. Decide you aren’t moving and then see how it feels a month of two later. You might find yourself happy and relieved. You might find yourself regretting the choice. Either way you get a more clear answer that analysis paralysis and the fork in the road.
Alternatively, move in with your partner immediately (but don’t cancel your housing situation in your current place of residence). “Live together” for 2 months and see how it feels. If you love it, you have your answer. If it doesn’t end up being as positive experience as you hoped, then you also have your answer.
In short, when you reach a fork in the road you learn more by taking either option than you do by standing still. The key twist is to structure your “test drive” so you have the option to reverse or “undo” your decision for a short period of time.
Very right. Thanks so much Victor. You are a light in the darkness of too many wrong advise.
Hi Victor,
Well written, as always. This is an interesting and worthwhile exercise, and I appreciate that you have shared it with us.
Of course, you already recognize (and other readers have pointed out) that this is a bit of an oversimplification. I’d like to share my concern, and ask a quick question.
If the only criterion in making a decision was the impact to your quality of life, then there would be situations when someone ought to choose to commit a moral atrocity to improve their quality of life.
To be clear, I’m not talking about weighing instant vs. delayed gratification, though that is a worthwhile conversation. Nor do I mean the challenge in projecting a sort of net present value when considering two different options, difficult as that may be. No, my concern is that there would be situations in which an individual was guaranteed (as much as anything can be) to improve their quality of life by doing something undeniably wrong.
Obviously, you have hidden assumptions which allow you to dismiss such a scenario. I am curious, what are those assumptions?
Drew,
Assumption: Do no harm to others or self.
Victor, we sow a seed, we get fruit. What we reap does not often look like what we sow.
We lift heavy weights, we build muscles. Using weight lifting as an example, spending more time in the gym and lifting heavier weights does not mean more benefits to the quality of living, it might lead to bigger muscles but not a higher quality of living. Hence, I think the logic is flawed. Ultimately, balance is essential. I agree we need to wean ourselves off engagements/relationships that do not add any value while nurturing those that do, but building an obsession over perceived value-adding relationships/activities is not healthy either.
Understand your times, understand your season, set your goal and work towards it. Identify activities and relationships that help you achieve that goal and strive for it. Times and seasons will change, hence you cannot always have lifelong commitments. As such, your goals will change and with this, some relationships and activities. This is important so that you also know when to let go and move on.
Ubong,
I would argue that if lifting weights doesn’t improve your quality of life, you should stop doing it (and do something else instead). For example, I used to lift weights without proper warm up and I kept getting injured. I’ve since shifted from pure weight lifting to more mobility oriented exercise – yoga, pilates, stretching, physical therapy exercises.
I do think there’s a fair point regarding time horizon under which one is optimizing for. That’s probably a topic for a different day.
Hi Victor,
Thanks for this article. This is a good heuristic to simplify decisions and I largely agree with it.
I’d just like to point out that it works as a heuristic only, and that it won’t work in all cases: e.g. addiction or long-term commitments where the allure of shorter term pleasure or relief can be greater than the longer term rewards.
Thanks!
Regards,
Kuan Hui
Kuan – I do think the short vs long term tradeoff is just that a tradeoff (e.g., quality over life over what time period). That said it’s still a quality of life decision. If I do something that does not improve my quality of life in the short run and does not in the long run either, then I should stop doing it.
It’s a good logical principle to follow yet the ability to follow it is not as simple, I believe. Sometime we do what we believe shouldn’t do, and don’t do what we believe should. I believe the ability to follow this equation fairly consistent and well requires answers that takes consideration of human complexities and forces beyond your own. But, it’s a great simple principle to strive for; And yes, we tend to complicate things, I’m guilty of that :). Thank you again for great thought, Victor.
Steven – Thanks. Thought to ponder: What if we didn’t have to complicate / over complicate things? What would life look like then?
Easy to say, harder to execute in my personal experience. I’ve been suffering for a while with every decision I have to take, before and after I do take it. Job, girlfriend, friends, hobbies … they all seem a bit unclear to me if they are the right choice. Maybe I have an identity crisis, but I would really appreciate to be able to follow the simplest rule you’ve just stated, however nowadays I’m doomed to overthinking… Maybe it is because my girlfriend over-overthinks absolutely everything…
Anyway, thanks for the advice
Carlos… if I may, I think you’re over thinking it… and probably under “feeling” it.