One of the wonderful things about writing for my newsletter is appreciating the incredible depth, talent and diversity of my readers.
In my last article, I wrote about the 80/20 on Happiness. When you wake up in the morning and also right before bed, think of 3 things you are grateful for. Do this for a week and you will feel 10% happier.
One of my readers, Eric, sent me the original empirical research that measured the effectiveness of this approach. Thank you, Eric!
Since I received a ton of questions about this topic, I thought I’d elaborate on a few things.
- It is better to write down your 3 “grateful things” on a piece of paper than to just think about it. I tend to favor whatever is easier, because if something is easy, it is more likely to get done.
- The 3 things you are grateful for need not be the same things every time. Simply state in that moment whatever you are grateful for, no matter how big or small.
Now I know that many of you might be thinking this happiness stuff is way too woo woo for someone analytical like me. I know this because I used to think that too.
Then I had a thought.
What is the purpose of your career and all the hard work you are doing?
Is the goal to NOT be happy?
Of course not.
If the end game is happiness, then doesn’t it make sense to see if there is a shorter, faster, and easier way to reach it?
I promised to reveal why the gratitude exercise works.
But I thought I’d do just one more exercise first. I encourage you to do it. It will take only 2 minutes:
Scroll to the Comments section below to post a comment on this page. In your comment, list as many things as you are grateful for that you can think of in 2-3 minutes.
The key is to write fast.
Do not over think. Write for speed.
Okay, here is the kicker… (don’t freak out).
Try to write fifty things you are grateful for in 2-3 minutes.
After you are done, describe how you felt — before, during, and after the exercise.
Then read everyone else’s responses.
I promise you if you make the effort to do this 2-3 minute exercise (I know it’s a pain in today’s click-happy world), you will surprise yourself.
Trust me and give it a shot.
In the comments below, write 50 things you are grateful for… and after 2-3 minutes, just stop. Don’t think. Write fast. Don’t write what you think you are supposed to be grateful for. Write for anything large or small that you are grateful for.
Go!
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427 thoughts on “The 80/20 on Happiness – Part II”
Grateful for:
1) Danube
2) My mom
3) My dad
4) My sister
5) My iPhone
6) Having enough money in the bank to buy groceries, pay for emergencies, etc.
7) My friend Kelly
8) My job
9) My boss
10) Free food at the office
11) Danube coming to Philly this weekend to visit
12) My NYTimes subscription
14) My Harvard Business Review subscription
15) The internet
16) all the likes I got on my recent profile pic
17) Being invited to a friend’s wedding this weekend.
Before the exercise: I felt kind of “meh.”
During the exercise: Slowly got happier writing all the things I was grateful for down.
After: Holy crap, I have a lot to be grateful for!
OSU Football
Water machine in basement
Friends
Supportive Family
Opportunities to travel
Ipad
Youtube motivation videos
Roommates
Internship last summer
Mentors
Development books
EDM Music
Goldfish
Basketball
Lebron James
Rollercoasters
Mannex experience
Fraternity
Scholarships
Dr. A
Impact Economics
Friends from Dalian
Before this exercise, I thought it was just fluff. Overall, I could only come up with these before the timer went. I felt a sense of thrill at thinking about all the great things I am fortunate to have in my life. Not only did it put things into perspective but it brought back great memories. After it ended, I wanted to continue. I think it will be a great exercise to finish my 50 and I will do that.
I am happy for my
parents
fiance
family
job
work place
happy with the location i live in
happy for the food i eat
happy for the material things i have
with my reading skills
parents
brothers
surrounding
friends
being able to live
abilities
consciousness
people I met
things I did
things happened to me
emotions
ability to analyze
girl I dated
studying at top university
having fun
reading books
listening to classic music
doing what I love
being myself
getting up in the morning
socialization
food
fresh air
sunshine
warmth
Victor cheng, blogs, free content, family, friends, siblings, great childhood, tough move, food, my moms great cooking, not having to hunt or gather my dinner, sports, internship, A good mentor, all the things I’ve learned from him, the tough times that forced me to think creatively, my comfy bed, MUSIC, headphones, gym at my apt, a good Convo with P, succeeding at convincing P to make the right decision
I am grateful for my daughter’s little feet that are soft and squishy, my husband’s never ending encouragement and support, my large family, my job that provides stimulation and economic support, my sisters that are always there for a laugh or support, i’m grateful for a safe and comfortable home to come home to every day and for having a warm and safe place to sleep at night. I’m grateful for the education my parents gave me, for the opportunities it has provided to me. I”m grateful for the experiences I had growing up, the time spent with grandparents and cousins which has shaped me. i’m grateful for the holidays I take. My daughter’s giggles, her funny faces and when she says mamma. grateful for the words she continues to learn and for how healthy she is. i’m grateful for the fact that we are able to provide her with all the basic necessities to grow and thrive.
I’m grateful for being raised in a decent family, having a decent education, not lacking any food or shelter ever in my life, having a very cool brother and a sister, having some nice properties, not having to work for necessity, for all the sex i’ve had, for the cool people i’ve met throughout my life, and also for what i’ve learned from these people, as well as from the bad people, for being relatively smart, for being well aware and conscious.
Before doing the excercise, I felt like I wasn’t going to do it, like “I already know what good things in my life I have and am grateful for, why should I write them down?” I also felt a bit unwilling because I feared that by actually looking at those good things, they would become small and insignificant, thus making my life and my self worth not of much value, and because those things might turn out to be very few. I’m not sure why I feared this.
During the excercise, I felt as if I actually didn’t deserve these good things, as if they weren’t mine. I doubted them being good things to be grateful for, as if everyone had them. I also thought about the things I wished I i had and could be grateful for, and felt miserable and unsatisfied by not having them and not being able to be grateful for them. This might be because I’m some sort of perfectionist..?
After the excercise, I felt a bit dissatisfied for two reasons. First, because I realized I actually didn’t have many things to be grateful for as I wished I had, which implies I haven’t lived my life the way I would’ve liked to. Second, and also related to the first reason, because all the things I was grateful for, were things just “given” to me in some sense by the universe, and none of them were actually things I have achieved for myslef. This says either that I don’t value myself, or that I don’t do anything with my life, and am just wasting it.
Nonetheless, I felt a big relieved, like getting rid of a small burden, I feel a little lighter. This is because I started thinking about why I didn’t have any personal achievements to be grateful for, and although I can think of a couple of reasons right now, I know that if I dig deeper into it, I will find it’s because of some personality or mentality flaw; which if I can put my finger on it, I can correct. Maybe I put too much importance on certain very few aspects of my life I am disatissfied with, and it clouds my perspective on the rest.
The other reason I felt relieved is because I can now see that I do have things to be grateful for, even if they weren’t personal achievements, which anyhow makes me feel good. Because I can see I’m not that big of a failure as of yet, and I can see that, using those things I am grateful for, I have big room for improvement, plus I have and advantage over most people. This also makes me feel good. Although this making me feel good, might be bad because it might be making me comfortable with my life, not seeking to work harder, really improving myself and ultimately being the reason I stay in my comfort zone..?
I don’t know, all I know is it was a good excercise, which I should continue doing. The most important thing is being objetive (hard to be) and sincere with myself.
my parents
this trip to boston
going to notre dame
my brothers
my friends at school
living in stanford hall
that i’m smart
that i have food
that i can buy what i want
that i’m safe
that i’m an ra
that i’m in the marching band
that i got to call my parents today
that i have some time to rest before my flight
that my profs understand if i miss a class
that i have some time alone
that i have some time to kill
that i can sleep in my bed in stanford tonight
that i can see my friends at broomball tonight
that i can go and see my friends in stanford
that i’m getting over my breakup
that i have wi fi right now
that my flight is on time
that i got a deloitte offer
that my friends are getting married this weekend
that notre dame won this weekend
that i have freshmen to take care of
God mummy papa hemya Didi archu yogesh engineering admission life good health and body to live P**** W*** H** IIMU admission Jobs till now travel to different places bangkok K*** Trust Friends Archs Mummy Papa School teacher Visalaxi Maam Faith in God
My parents, girlfriend, friend, Martin, Jan, Heatlth of my family and friends, money I have, freedom, luck, my inteligence, appearance and all the skills i was given, the opportunities, people i had luck to meet, my car, my life which is nice to live, …