One of the wonderful things about writing for my newsletter is appreciating the incredible depth, talent and diversity of my readers.
In my last article, I wrote about the 80/20 on Happiness. When you wake up in the morning and also right before bed, think of 3 things you are grateful for. Do this for a week and you will feel 10% happier.
One of my readers, Eric, sent me the original empirical research that measured the effectiveness of this approach. Thank you, Eric!
Since I received a ton of questions about this topic, I thought I’d elaborate on a few things.
- It is better to write down your 3 “grateful things” on a piece of paper than to just think about it. I tend to favor whatever is easier, because if something is easy, it is more likely to get done.
- The 3 things you are grateful for need not be the same things every time. Simply state in that moment whatever you are grateful for, no matter how big or small.
Now I know that many of you might be thinking this happiness stuff is way too woo woo for someone analytical like me. I know this because I used to think that too.
Then I had a thought.
What is the purpose of your career and all the hard work you are doing?
Is the goal to NOT be happy?
Of course not.
If the end game is happiness, then doesn’t it make sense to see if there is a shorter, faster, and easier way to reach it?
I promised to reveal why the gratitude exercise works.
But I thought I’d do just one more exercise first. I encourage you to do it. It will take only 2 minutes:
Scroll to the Comments section below to post a comment on this page. In your comment, list as many things as you are grateful for that you can think of in 2-3 minutes.
The key is to write fast.
Do not over think. Write for speed.
Okay, here is the kicker… (don’t freak out).
Try to write fifty things you are grateful for in 2-3 minutes.
After you are done, describe how you felt — before, during, and after the exercise.
Then read everyone else’s responses.
I promise you if you make the effort to do this 2-3 minute exercise (I know it’s a pain in today’s click-happy world), you will surprise yourself.
Trust me and give it a shot.
In the comments below, write 50 things you are grateful for… and after 2-3 minutes, just stop. Don’t think. Write fast. Don’t write what you think you are supposed to be grateful for. Write for anything large or small that you are grateful for.
Go!
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427 thoughts on “The 80/20 on Happiness – Part II”
mom, dad, friends, sunny weather, bed, traveling, job, cat, movie, gitarr, music, photos, myself, today’s lunch, flowers, hope, love, kindness, understanding
God, family, friends, work, free time, beautiful home, opportunities, pantry full of food, closets full of clothes, school for my kids, sports for my children, steady paycheck, safe place to sleep, great job, reliable transportation, my education, access to running water/electricity/internet, seeing my family when I travel, opportunities to see the world, amazing people I have met, free will
good health
brother
husband
kids
friends
tea in the morning
family, girlfriend, many friends, knowledge, health, guitar, nights spent out, party, live music, soccer, travels
Crossfit
MMA
Boxing
Muay Thai
Thailand
Bali vacations
Ability to sustain pain
Sleep
Lexus
Sex
Sex
Sex
Impact
Serving client
Writing presentation for the President
Making 1 bln. transformation
Changing life of >50 through coaching
Helping many people to find their path in life
Meditation
Buddhism
Sikhism
Rafting in Rishikesh
Ex-wife
Ex-family
Quitting smoking
Quitting drinking
Space cakes in Amsterdam
Las Vegas parties
dancing in more than 300 clubs around the world
sex again
German FKK clubs
friends
my shotgun
my handgun
relationship with parents
trip to India
Victoria Secret models
Porsche
Harley
my machine gun
my grenade launcher
being acknowledged by public and newspapers
losing 40 kg of weight
finding mentors in life
challenging myself
Im gratefull for…
My life
My family
Having a home
My job
My degree
My life experience
My boyfriend
My parents
My health
All my achievements
Be alive
All the people that i know
My friends
My weekends
great family
non-struggling life
great job
cool colleagues
non-micro managed role
youth
abundance of opportunities
great music
superb movies
HD
awesome friends i can depend on
old friendships that last
tasty food
a car to drive
subsidies
wise people to receive advice from
caring partner
time to choose my path
Thing’s I’m grateful for:
my mom
my family
my life
my health
comfort
sunshine
cool weather
prater
vienna
my youth
flexibility
flexible timings
my job
my project manager
my family
my partner
flowers
the sky
the earth
the wonderful people
bill crosby
simple acts of kindness
the ability to type without looking
that I live in the 21st century
modern medicine
access to basic necessities
strategy
the internet
organization
ease
yoga
air
telephones
instagram
victor cheng
happiness
my friends all over the world
facebook
my granny
being able to see my granny’s birthplace
being alive
Reflection: Though I felt pretty unproductive before doing this exercise, I couldn’t help but laugh at how easily I could type during it, and am rather inspired after these 3 minutes of gratitude. Thanks, Victor- I’m pretty sure my productivity problems are now gone (at least for the next half an hour before lunchtime).
The sun
Highschool sweetheart as wife
Mother-daughter relationship between wife and mom
Good friends
Climate control at home and work
Roof over head
Knowledge of source of next meal
Working, legal car
Modern technology
Earphones to shut out world
Cold showers
Ability to dream and to hope
I have been on short holiday and was not able to reply immediately, so now, after few days – It’s amazing to read through so many comments and realize that there are people even crazier than yourself. So weird stuff going through their minds, and the way they express it is even more weird. Now, let me be one of them and write down my stuff. But before that I want to disclaim that I strongly believe that ordinary mind will NEVER be able to cure itself, calm down itself and make its owner, which is you, a happy person. A Mind that never stops, always wanders analyzing, always runs processing information, always at your service, even when you don’t need it. This sort of mind is a greatest gift to possess, however also a greatest burden to carry, as it would make you rather unhappy, no matter what you try to think about and how eloquent and well-reasoned is that. Ordinary mind is a big machine full of great stuff and full of rubbish, unfortunately as well.
I now took a challenge to learn to switch off my ordinary mind. Every night I sit down and try to STOP THINKING. Imagine that silence in your mind, where NOTHING is going on. Not a word of thought. For how long can you last? With all conscious effort – at first is it possible to achieve maximum few seconds of not thinking.
As soon as you settle yourself in environment with zero distractions (you do not need distractions at the beginning), you would hear at least one thing – your inner voice, telling you stuff, planning for next day, organizing, noticing things you can see or suddenly remembered. However, I try to switch it off: whatever thought knocks the door of my mind – I put it off, quietly but firmly. It knocks again – I put it off again. Sorry, I will come back to you later. It is a hard work, much harder than to think and analyze. Eventually, I can take and enjoy those moments of silence, absolutely pure. And believe it or not – those moments are not vacuum, not “empty” and not just nothing. They are something ELSE.
Ability to switch of the engine is so valuable by itself, it is much more valuable than ability to remember and verbalize things that happened to you in the past. You use your analytical mind only when you need it, and when you don’t need it – switch it off. It serves you better this way. But it’s not the goal. The goal is a special kind of AWARENESS of the present moment. This awareness automatically does at least one favor to you – it makes you STOP WORRYING. And as a bonus – it allows your analytical mind to recharge. And ultimately, if your are ready for that – it makes your unconditionally happy and releases your true potential. This sort of awareness it not a moment, not a state, not a destination, it is an EXPERIENCE, which has cumulative effect – the more you practice it, the more happy you become in all senses, and things just come your way in life – career, business, others.
Now, that was all a disclaimer.
Focusing on things to be grateful. They will be: my lean body, my two sons, my two caring husbands, our saint nanny, our amazing cat, my parents and grandparents, my in law patterns, my friends, UAE as my place of residence, Belarus as my motherland, my education as in degrees, my curiosity for continuous learning, my passion to work hard, my faith, my resilience, my luck in getting new jobs, my luck in moving to a bigger house, my entering new undergraduate learning program for a completely different area of studies, my ability to horse ride and everything else that ever happened to me.